Another One for the Therapist

I remember in the mid-1980s Dennis Miller on Not Necessarily the News doing a bit about words that should appear in the dictionary but don’t. These words were called Sniglets – my dad seemed to love them. For some odd reason I distinctly remember the one Prindle – the gear indicator in your car (PRNDL). Not sure why my brain holds on to that.

So that random introduction leads to this little story. Back in January, I had loaded up the kids in the car to go somewhere and as I start to back out, I realize my phone was sitting on the counter. Not able to function without my phone, I threw the car in park, left it running, jump out of the car, into the house, got my phone and ran back to get in the car.

I get it – lots of things wrong with this scenario:
1. Left the kids in the car
2. Left the car running
3. Left the kids in the car with the car running

The car could have been stolen and they could have been kidnapped or the car could have slipped out of gear or I could have fallen while running back into the house and cracked open my head-passed out and not been able to make it back to the car and they would have been strapped in for hours by themselves in a running car that could have been stolen or slipped out of gear. Fine – dial CPS. They can’t make me feel any worse about the situation than my son does.

This moment in my life that at the time I thought was maybe not the smartest move but more or less harmless is haunting my son. He actually has nightmare about this. He came bawling to Chad one night about the car not being in the park gear.

I should have known when I got back in the car and he has the big saucer eyes. And starts with “Why did you do that? You shouldn’t have done that. Why would you leave us like that?” After nearly six years with this boy – why didn’t I see this was going to be trouble?

I did not address it properly – I made light of it saying don’t worry the car was in park you are just fine. Did not satisfy him. So over the nearly month and a half since the incident he has learned how to tell if the car is in park – he can see Chad’s gear selector from his seat but mine is between the two front seats so he checks as he gets out of the car.

He asks as soon as we get in the door if the car is on P (mind you he JUST CHECK himself as he got out of the car), he asks Chad if his car is on P when Chad gets home, he will ask during dinner, he will ask as soon as he wakes up in the morning – Is the car still on P?

Nearly every time we are in the car we go through some scenario – what happens if the car isn’t in P and you left the keys in the car but you are somewhere else? What if I am in the car and it isn’t in P and you are not here? What if the car falls out of P? What if you think you put the car in P but you really didn’t? AAGGHHHHHH!

At some point, I guess Chad has shown Z where the emergency brake is in each of our cars to try and ease some fear but Zachary is relentless in processing this whole situation. When he cries about it all I can think is – DAMN PHONE! It is the phone’s fault I left it on the counter after all.

A part of me is just unfeeling uncaring mom – get over it already seriously! I think that part is trying to hide the part of me that is suffering from guilt and concern. Why does this bother him so much? What does his paranoia/worry/obsession mean? Where does it come from? Is it a sign of a bigger emotional issue?

Oh and I see the irony here. I am paranoid/worried/obsessed about his paranoia/worry/obsession – vicious cycle. Mentally exhausting. Yes all over leaving the car running to go into the house to grab my freakin phone.

Maybe it is just a six year old thing? I haven’t been able to convince myself of that yet but I am working on it.

I am sure there is a sniglet here somewhere: a word defined as mom’s paranoia causes son’s paranoia that fuels mom’s obsession which adds to son’s obsession; usually ends in expensive therapy for both parties.