I called Zachary my little boy yesterday and he informed me that he is not my little boy.
"Mom, I am not a little boy. I am a medium boy. Because I growed."
Monday, September 28, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Crossroads
So I am at one of those points that I am sure will either damage my son forever or teach him how to push past the fear and grow as a person.
Z took swim lessons all summer long - every Wednesday. He did very well - in fact the teacher recommended he move up a level midway through. He volunteered for everything - to go first, to jump in the pool, to be the demonstration - and he looked forward to swim lessons.
Then something happened. The second to last lesson his dream came true. The teacher said he could go down the slide after class. Well he came down quicker than she anticipated and she didn't catch him. After class he told me he would not be doing the slide again. Then after his final class, he told me that he didn't like swim lessons and didn't want to come back anymore. I told him that he started his new class the next week and he said that he wouldn't be going underwater. So I asked him to wait and see what the new teacher was like.
The next Wed was his first class of the advanced beginners with the new teacher. He seemed happy and excited. I went and took my post in the viewing deck and when it was his turn, he started to cry. Not a hollering bawling tantrum cry but a scared, weepy, trying to fight through it cry. For 30 minutes, I watched my son on his turns cling to his swim teacher with a death grip and cry while trying to swim. When it wasn't his turn, he would hop out of the pool and stand and cry. I think my heart broke in a way it has never broken before that day.
I met with the teacher afterwards and she said he can swim. He held on to her but he was doing everything else on his own. She said its nerves and he'll get over it. As I held him shivering in his towel, with his poor sad face, he looked at me and said "Mom, I cried." I told him that it was ok -- I had no clue what else to say in that moment.
Week 2: Z is changing for swim lessons, we are at the pool, and he says he doesn't want to go. I asked him why this time and he says that he doesn't want her, the teacher, to let go of him. I tell him that he needs to talk with his teacher, explain that he is scared, and why he is scared, and she will help. He stops getting ready and looks at me - with that sad face -- and says "Mom I really do not want to go. I am very scared." He again is not pitching a fit or throwing a tantrum. He is genuinely scared.
I am not proud but I resort to a bribe. Please don't roll your eyes at this but I was at a loss. I can't think that quickly. I tell him he can pick out a cookie after swim lessons. I remind him to talk with his teacher and tell her what he is feeling.
So fewer tears this lesson but much much clinging. You can't really swim holding on to someone.
At the end of the lesson, he tells his teacher and everyone -- I get a cookie! So now the world knows I have bribed my son. I am so embarrassed. But strangely proud that Z fought through the fear. But he fought for a cookie. What have I done?!
After he has changed and dried off, we go to pick out the cookie. Before he takes a bite, I tell him that he is getting this cookie because even though he was scared, he tried his best anyway. I made him repeat it to me and tell his dad later why he got the cookie. Because although he was scared, he tried and did his best.
That was last week. He told me yesterday he really does not like swim lessons and doesn't want to go anymore. He has some private swim time with his teacher tonight to help his comfort level before class tomorrow but he is so apprehensive.
So here is my crossroads. If after this private lesson he is still scared, do I make him go? Does it make him a better person to "fight through the fear" at the age of four? Does it keep him from being a quitter later in life and not giving up when there are challenges? Or does it perpetuate a fear of water? Does it take him two months back before all the progress ? Does he resent me for forcing something that can wait six months to readdress?
It is not like he asked to participate in swim lessons. If he had made the commitment and he didn't want to finish because he was bored then my answer is more clear -- he finishes. But this is not that situation. He shook in fear. He cried tears in fear.
I don't want to be "wussy" mom. I don't want to be "bribe my child" mom. My gut says stick it out - he'll work it out over the next few lessons and honestly that is probably what we will do. But this situation brought to light a bigger drama. How do you know when to push and how do you know when to let your child sit it out? How do you know when he will grow from the experience or when he will be scarred by it? It gives me a headache. It gives me a heartache...I can't make the wrong decision.
Oh well - here is hoping that the private lesson works and that Z will once again enjoy going to swim lessons. Otherwise, I may just keep a stash of Oreos in his swim bag.
Z took swim lessons all summer long - every Wednesday. He did very well - in fact the teacher recommended he move up a level midway through. He volunteered for everything - to go first, to jump in the pool, to be the demonstration - and he looked forward to swim lessons.
Then something happened. The second to last lesson his dream came true. The teacher said he could go down the slide after class. Well he came down quicker than she anticipated and she didn't catch him. After class he told me he would not be doing the slide again. Then after his final class, he told me that he didn't like swim lessons and didn't want to come back anymore. I told him that he started his new class the next week and he said that he wouldn't be going underwater. So I asked him to wait and see what the new teacher was like.
The next Wed was his first class of the advanced beginners with the new teacher. He seemed happy and excited. I went and took my post in the viewing deck and when it was his turn, he started to cry. Not a hollering bawling tantrum cry but a scared, weepy, trying to fight through it cry. For 30 minutes, I watched my son on his turns cling to his swim teacher with a death grip and cry while trying to swim. When it wasn't his turn, he would hop out of the pool and stand and cry. I think my heart broke in a way it has never broken before that day.
I met with the teacher afterwards and she said he can swim. He held on to her but he was doing everything else on his own. She said its nerves and he'll get over it. As I held him shivering in his towel, with his poor sad face, he looked at me and said "Mom, I cried." I told him that it was ok -- I had no clue what else to say in that moment.
Week 2: Z is changing for swim lessons, we are at the pool, and he says he doesn't want to go. I asked him why this time and he says that he doesn't want her, the teacher, to let go of him. I tell him that he needs to talk with his teacher, explain that he is scared, and why he is scared, and she will help. He stops getting ready and looks at me - with that sad face -- and says "Mom I really do not want to go. I am very scared." He again is not pitching a fit or throwing a tantrum. He is genuinely scared.
I am not proud but I resort to a bribe. Please don't roll your eyes at this but I was at a loss. I can't think that quickly. I tell him he can pick out a cookie after swim lessons. I remind him to talk with his teacher and tell her what he is feeling.
So fewer tears this lesson but much much clinging. You can't really swim holding on to someone.
At the end of the lesson, he tells his teacher and everyone -- I get a cookie! So now the world knows I have bribed my son. I am so embarrassed. But strangely proud that Z fought through the fear. But he fought for a cookie. What have I done?!
After he has changed and dried off, we go to pick out the cookie. Before he takes a bite, I tell him that he is getting this cookie because even though he was scared, he tried his best anyway. I made him repeat it to me and tell his dad later why he got the cookie. Because although he was scared, he tried and did his best.
That was last week. He told me yesterday he really does not like swim lessons and doesn't want to go anymore. He has some private swim time with his teacher tonight to help his comfort level before class tomorrow but he is so apprehensive.
So here is my crossroads. If after this private lesson he is still scared, do I make him go? Does it make him a better person to "fight through the fear" at the age of four? Does it keep him from being a quitter later in life and not giving up when there are challenges? Or does it perpetuate a fear of water? Does it take him two months back before all the progress ? Does he resent me for forcing something that can wait six months to readdress?
It is not like he asked to participate in swim lessons. If he had made the commitment and he didn't want to finish because he was bored then my answer is more clear -- he finishes. But this is not that situation. He shook in fear. He cried tears in fear.
I don't want to be "wussy" mom. I don't want to be "bribe my child" mom. My gut says stick it out - he'll work it out over the next few lessons and honestly that is probably what we will do. But this situation brought to light a bigger drama. How do you know when to push and how do you know when to let your child sit it out? How do you know when he will grow from the experience or when he will be scarred by it? It gives me a headache. It gives me a heartache...I can't make the wrong decision.
Oh well - here is hoping that the private lesson works and that Z will once again enjoy going to swim lessons. Otherwise, I may just keep a stash of Oreos in his swim bag.
Vacay Recap by Zachary Martin
I do the blog for convenience to keep track of things and yet I still don't keep up with the blog. Sad comment on my laziness. Thankfully the Espinozas helped with this one. They are geniuses I tell you.
During our vacation to NJ in July, Jess would ask Z what his favorite part of the day was and he always answered with the last thing we did. So Jess suggested when we get home, we break down the vacation into days and had him draw a picture of each day with his favorite thing. While we didn't actually get to the art work, Chad and I did ask him to tell us his favorite thing for each day was and it worked! Even last week, Z recalled his favorite thing from each "event" on our trip to New Jersey.
So before I forget -
The Beach -- Sand Castles
I have to add that the shells freaked him out. He thought they were pinching him when he walked through the sand and that they were still alive. He wanted to "save" them and had us clear out all the shells around our blanket and throw them back into the ocean.
The Boardwalk -- Rainforest Cafe
I think the boardwalk actually had lots of favorites -- the ice cream, the huge candy store, and the pedi-cab Chad and Z took when it was raining. However Z remembers, the alligator, moving animals, and stuff tiger he got at the cafe. Wait till he finds out there is one here in Dallas!
Storybook Land -- The Rollercoaster
My son rode that rollercoaster FIVE times. He actually was quite the adventurer at this park. Now keep in mind the rollercoaster was called "Bubbles the Coaster" to help you identify the level of scariness. Our godson Lucas who is two like the rollercoaster. But over all I was impressed with Z's willingness to try the "scary" rides.
Visiting the Hogans -- The Airplane Ride
So it wasn't exactly a ride but more of a playground equipment thing but Zachary did not want to get off of it. He "flew" all day. Need to ask where they got that thing.
Visiting Gramps -- Couldn't pick between the Pool and the Truck Race
I can understand Z enjoying the pool although the water was WAY cold and no one really did much swimming but Dad, Chad, and Z all took a brief dip in the pool. Then because it was too cold and too early for dinner we hung out in my dad's hotel room (ugh!) and Zachary watched some Truck Race on Speed Network. I don't know how he even found it interesting other than he likes monster trucks. But my son stared at the TV watching these trucks for at least an hour. Who says 4 year olds have a short attention span?
Visiting Uncle Andrew and Aunt Jessie -- The Basement and Thomas Table
Z was in HEAVEN in the Espinoza's basement. It is like FAO Schwartz and ToysRUs combined for him. Lucas has a train table and all of the sudden Z is back into Thomas. The basement has been beautifully redone and it is a great escape for the kids. All of Lucas' toys are downstairs and we could turn the boys loose and let them play. So I think Chad and I vote for the basement too!!
The vacation was really amazing -- being three blocks from the beach, the time with the Espinozas, and of course the basement.
During our vacation to NJ in July, Jess would ask Z what his favorite part of the day was and he always answered with the last thing we did. So Jess suggested when we get home, we break down the vacation into days and had him draw a picture of each day with his favorite thing. While we didn't actually get to the art work, Chad and I did ask him to tell us his favorite thing for each day was and it worked! Even last week, Z recalled his favorite thing from each "event" on our trip to New Jersey.
So before I forget -
The Beach -- Sand Castles
I have to add that the shells freaked him out. He thought they were pinching him when he walked through the sand and that they were still alive. He wanted to "save" them and had us clear out all the shells around our blanket and throw them back into the ocean.
The Boardwalk -- Rainforest Cafe
I think the boardwalk actually had lots of favorites -- the ice cream, the huge candy store, and the pedi-cab Chad and Z took when it was raining. However Z remembers, the alligator, moving animals, and stuff tiger he got at the cafe. Wait till he finds out there is one here in Dallas!
Storybook Land -- The Rollercoaster
My son rode that rollercoaster FIVE times. He actually was quite the adventurer at this park. Now keep in mind the rollercoaster was called "Bubbles the Coaster" to help you identify the level of scariness. Our godson Lucas who is two like the rollercoaster. But over all I was impressed with Z's willingness to try the "scary" rides.
Visiting the Hogans -- The Airplane Ride
So it wasn't exactly a ride but more of a playground equipment thing but Zachary did not want to get off of it. He "flew" all day. Need to ask where they got that thing.
Visiting Gramps -- Couldn't pick between the Pool and the Truck Race
I can understand Z enjoying the pool although the water was WAY cold and no one really did much swimming but Dad, Chad, and Z all took a brief dip in the pool. Then because it was too cold and too early for dinner we hung out in my dad's hotel room (ugh!) and Zachary watched some Truck Race on Speed Network. I don't know how he even found it interesting other than he likes monster trucks. But my son stared at the TV watching these trucks for at least an hour. Who says 4 year olds have a short attention span?
Visiting Uncle Andrew and Aunt Jessie -- The Basement and Thomas Table
Z was in HEAVEN in the Espinoza's basement. It is like FAO Schwartz and ToysRUs combined for him. Lucas has a train table and all of the sudden Z is back into Thomas. The basement has been beautifully redone and it is a great escape for the kids. All of Lucas' toys are downstairs and we could turn the boys loose and let them play. So I think Chad and I vote for the basement too!!
The vacation was really amazing -- being three blocks from the beach, the time with the Espinozas, and of course the basement.
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