Pass the Valium Please

Back in November my friend Michelle (Ok…so… author) sent me a forward about a little boy named Jamie Bulger. You may or may not remember his story when it happened in 1993 but I assure you if you do any research you will never forget. I have kept this email in my inbox for now three months because it started this blog entry swirling in my head. This three year old little boy is abducted by two ten year old boys and tortured to death. It sucked the breath right out of my body and the horror I felt practically froze me as my imagination created pictures of the unspeakable. It re-enforced my internal struggle of freedom for my son and protection for him – where is that balance? I am sure all of us have heard that God never gives you more than you can handle. So does that mean because I don’t think I can handle my children have something horrific happened to them that they are safe? Or that I need not worry if something does happen to my kids – I can handle it?

From the moment Zachary was born, I have worried about everything - stupid stuff to the more important but definitely everything including raising him to be polite, generous, loving, assertive, and not a weenie doormat. I was (or perhaps should say am) a nerd. Always have been a bit on the social quirky side and definitely not a cool kid. Chad will also tell you he did not have the best of jr high / high school experiences. So our kids receive a double whammy and are already in the negative cool points giving them a harder hill to climb when it comes to making friends, social situations, and basic childhood survival. I am not looking for my kids to win a popularity contest – I want them to be comfortable in their own skin (I know I know - not possible for teenagers) and I do want them to be well liked and not getting wedgies or having ugly things said about them. I am not completely unrealistic – there are growing pains – there will be hurt feelings and lonely feelings because it is a sucky part of the rite of passage but I don’t want my kids to be the geek. I realize as I type how shallow it is but I have to admit it is true. My blog guru wrote about a boy in his son’s class and called him Ralph. I do not want Z or Rylee to be Ralph. Do you think Ralph’s parents know that he is a Ralph?

While both of these incidents are not really related they feed into my insecurities as a parent. I know that I can’t keep my children locked up so that no one abducts them, or no one hurts them physically or emotionally. I realize they will learn and grow with each misstep and each broken heart. I know I can teach them Stranger Danger and to look both ways before crossing the street. I know I can tell them Sticks and Stones and talk about personal space with others. However, I would like it to be clearly outlined please. Tell me how to raise a child that will not be in harm’s way or have a target painted on their back that says please dunk my head in the toilet.

If I promise not to keep him in a bubble, do I get a promise that he will be safe? If I swear that I will let him out of my embrace, can I be assured that at the end of the day he can return to my arms? If I teach him to be conscientious, and gracious, can I be told for sure that he will have strength to stand on his own and not be walked all over. If I encourage him to voice his opinion and believe in himself, can I please have a guaranty that he will not be a bully?

This entry is dripping with drama and perhaps should be two separate entries but there is a part of this production that constantly plays out in my head. I want to keep my kids safe with out stunting them socially. How do you know how tight to hold on? When to step in? When to throw them in the deep end to let them swim? How much is too much and how much is not enough? Has my preoccupation doomed them?

Ugh and sigh….
So how do I stop this obsessive worrying?
Medication?
That’s what I thought.