MK's Favorite Song

DAY 1: Favorite Song

Music has a special place in my life. I find music usually can express what I am feeling and while I am not the writer or creator the song it can NAIL IT for me. It can be a cathartic release or an inspiration or an accompaniment to a road trip. I LOVE MUSIC and generally have it on all the time – in my car, in my office, anywhere I can. A certain song can also bring up vivid memories or pull up an image in my mind of a person or place.

While I am sure most people would say the same thing, for me it feels like I have an intense relationship with music. I wish I could scribble down my feelings and have them be an expression of my heart or stand up and belt out with passion a song that was a view into my thoughts but while I can play Fur Elise on the piano - I can’t sing.

So I live vicariously through the music on the radio or on my phone. Chad has introduced me to a wider range of tunes and opened my taste up to include some music I would never have thought to listen to. Chad has always liked the more Indie type bands and music.

To pick just one favorite song does not seem possible – there are so many to choose from and all with special meaning.

I always think of my brother Jamey when I hear The Devil Went Down to Georgia and Rambling Man because he had a Southern Fried Rock album he used to listen to when he was very little. I think he would find it amusing that I would pick these two songs out of the gazillion songs he has on hard drive. Jamey is like Chad in that he has a wide appreciation for music.

The instrumental Peter and the Wolf will forever conger up images of my mom when she was in her twenties and early thirties. She would play this record (yep on a record player) when we were home and busy around the house.

Jet Song / Maria / I Feel Pretty – the entire West Side Story soundtrack makes me think of my father. For all his military he-man testosterone-ness, he has a beautiful appreciation of the arts. He thoroughly enjoys operas, symphonies, ballets, and musicals. He and my mother made sure I saw as many performances that came through Tulsa as possible – Carmen, Nutcracker, Aida, etc.

I immediately think of Leigh Anne and her ex-boyfriend when I hear My Own Worst Enemy from Blink 182 – not sure she is thrilled about that however Closer to Fine – actually anything by the Indigo Girls, Patsy Cline, or bluegrass makes me think of her too.

Hold On To the Night – Junior Prom
Centerfold – 1982 Early MTV
Feel Like Making Love – College Float Trips
Neon Moon – Silver Bullet Bar Columbia, MO
YMCA – Roller skating in grade school
Gettin Jiggy With It – RA #18
Escape The Pina Colada Song – Broken Arrow and Disco Duck Records
Shameless – Dreaming of Chad before I knew who he was

Blue October’s Hate Me is a song that make me sad but in a therapeutic way. It is hard to explain - I do not know Justin’s pain first hand but something about the song comes through me like I can feel it. Dave Matthew’s Grey Street does something similar but not as strongly. I can play these songs when I am in a funk and it just resonates.

To pick one song that makes me think of Chad is hard – the obvious choice is Crush NOT Crash but Crush by Dave Matthews – it is how Chad proposed and our first dance at our wedding. It is a song that is beyond special to me. But there are so many others some of which I bet he doesn’t even realize – Just Wait, Flagpole Sitta, Shimmer, Slide, Summons, Who Am I?, Calling You (he knows this one – it’s my ringtone for him), I Alone, La Vie Boheme/Seasons of Love/Over the Moon, and on and on. Side note: what is important to know here that it isn’t always the lyrics that make me think of him but the song may be part of a bigger scene in my mind.

So after all this rambling – (Look Jamey I am a Rambling Woman!) to pick one favorite I don’t know how so I went with what I would want at my funeral. Chad and I have had this discussion and while I like the Some Where Over the Rainbow by the Hawaiian guy I will pick Louie Armstrong’s What A Wonderful World. I know there is a mix of the Some Where Over the Rainbow and the What A Wonderful World but for this exercise I am picking the pure version of What A Wonderful World. Cheezy but true.

When I am at peace and my heart is open to view the world with all of its beauty and glory and I can see God in the people that surround me and feel His love with every breath – it is that song. That is the legacy I want to leave my children and when they hear this song they think of good things and me.

It is a wonderful world – it is just some days it is easier to remember than others.

Borrowing Stu's Theme That He Borrowed

So my blog guru Stu is borrowing a theme from another blogger he follows which is 30 posts in 30 days:

Day 01 — A favorite song
Day 02 — A favorite movie 

Day 03 — A favorite TV show

Day 04 — A favorite book
Day 05 — A favorite quote 

Day 06 — A fun fact about me

Day 07 — A favorite photo

Day 08 — Something I crave 

Day 09 — Pet peeves

Day 10 — A photo of me taken over ten years ago 

Day 11 — A photo of me taken recently 

Day 12 — Something I bought recently 

Day 13 — Something I want to buy

Day 14 — An old photo 

Day 15 — My celebrity crush 

Day 16 — A favorite food

Day 17 — A photo of my family

Day 18 — A baby photo

Day 19 — A fun memory 

Day 20 — A hobby of mine

Day 21 — A favorite recipe 

Day 22 — A favorite joke

Day 23 — A video 

Day 24 — A travel story 

Day 25 — A favorite photo

Day 26 — A funny (true) story

Day 27 — A child I love

Day 28 — A place I love 

Day 29 — A person I love 

Day 30 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

While I know there is absolutely NO WAY I will post everyday for 30 days, I found this an interesting challenge. I thought it would be a unique way for our kids (cuz aren't they the reason we write this blog) to get insight into their parents. So I am including Chad in on this. I think he needs to take the 30 day challenge but doesn't have to do it in 30 days. Don't you LOVE when I volunteer you Chad?

So the next 60 posts should be Chad and my responses to the above.

Hopefully Stuart you will remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery! Not that I am just cheating by copying you!

Well They Kind of Are

WARNING: This story does not translate into text well but because when it happened I laughed so hard I had watery eyes I had to share.

Z received a gluttonous amount of gifts for his birthday. A gentle reminder of how blessed we are with generous friends and family but Zachary wasn’t kidding when he said he needed a present aisle designated in the house.

With the large amount of gifts there were a few duplications, not nearly as much as you would think but enough to warrant a trip to Target to return items and let him pick out a few different things. I must admit I am even embarrassed to put on here the dollar amount he had to shop with considering the pile of presents still sitting in the “aisle” at our home.

On our way home, Z wanted to open one of the toys he had selected. I told him that it was fine but beware if it had little parts. He proceeded to open one and then said “ah man! It has stupid wires.” I laughed a little – those twist tie things that hold toys onto packaging are a pain in the tookus. This challenge would keep him busy.

A few minutes later he said “Mom, I can’t get these stupid wires off.” I responded with an “I am driving so either keep trying or wait until we get home. And PLEASE stop calling them stupid.”

He paused and quietly said “But that is what Auntie C said they were called – stupid wires.”

What is Your Definition of Humility?

Taken from reflections of Henri J.M. Nouwen:

When we say, "If people really knew me, they wouldn't love me," we choose the road toward darkness. Often we are made to believe that self-deprecation is a virtue, called humility.

But humility is in reality the opposite of self-deprecation. It is the grateful recognition that we are precious in God's eyes and that all we are is pure gift. To grow beyond self-rejection we must have the courage to listen to the voice calling us God's beloved sons and daughters, and the determination always to live our lives according to this truth.

Think I can teach my kids the REAL definition of humility? Probably not until I change the definition in my brain and in my heart...will not be an easy task. You would think the motivation to change would come from keeping my kids from the heartache of self-deprication and self-loathing but it doesn't seem that simple from where I am.

Kiddos - listen to what your mom says not what she does...wish it worked that way.

I am sure I am the only one that finds this funny but sharing anyway

We have had the flu in our house this week – Rylee got it Saturday, Zachary got it Monday, and Chad got it Wednesday. So Chad is the latest in quarantine because I can not get sick – I leave this weekend for a week for work.

At bedtime last night, I gather the kids at the foot of our bed and tell the kids:

“Wave, blow kisses, and say goodnight to Daddy from afar.”

Zachary turns to me, scrunches his faces and says “Why did you say that?? A Farr? He’s not a Farr – Emily and Stacie are Farrs. He is a Martin.”

It's the Thought that Counts

I realize I am so hard on my kids – especially Zachary.

And when you read this Zachary please know that I love you more than any number you can count and I constantly fight internal battles to try to figure out what is the right thing to say or do. I worry about pushing too hard or not pushing enough. I worry do you have enough friends. Are you happy? What is the balance between spoiling you and surprising you? I constantly constantly worry – I just want you to be happy, healthy, and self confident.

But I am a yeller – how can you have a self confident kid if you yell at them? How did that happen? My dad used to straighten me out with the tone of his voice and I find I do that. I SUCK at patience. I can be patient all day long with a stranger but if Z happens to whine about not getting chocolate milk I get all nasty and ugly. How can I love him so much and not be patient??? I am thinking that is a therapy topic for another blog.

ANYWAY this self-deprecating rant or as Chad calls it my “martyr-woe-is-me” tirade is leading me to another touchy topic for me. The etiquette of gift receiving. Chad’s mom MiMi and my mom Gramma are both very generous to our children. They bring gifts with each visit and holiday/birthday times there are mounds of gifts. I learned as a child of a very generous grandma that this is the grandparents’ right and privilege to dote and spoil the grandchildren. I do not mess with this tradition.

I do however take issue with my children’s response to these gifts. I do not want there to be the expectation they get a prizey (what MiMi calls these gifts) with every visit nor do I want any pouting if the prizey is not what they expect.

I had two situations recently:

Situation 1:
MiMi came for a quick visit and brought Zachary a copy of Toy Story 3. Zachary sat on the couch and actually whimpered and pouted. He told her he didn’t want Toy Story 3. I was irritated. I told Z that he needed to thank MiMi for thinking of him. He said quite loudly in response “I don’t want that movie.” So there in front of MiMi, he and I are arguing. I am trying to explain the difference between liking the gift and thanking for the thoughtfulness.

MiMi then says to me in front of Z, “don’t tell him to say he likes something that he doesn’t.” I feel the redness all over my face and body – the prickly heat kind of redness - and now I am beyond frustrated. I then try to explain to MiMi the difference between liking the gift and saying thank you for the thoughtfulness.

I turn to Z and tell him that if he is going to pout like that I do not want to see it and he can finish pouting in his room. He gets up to leave and MiMi grabs him and whispers in his ear. All of the sudden Z is happy and says that he is ok and will stay downstairs.

MiMi tells me that she can not have Zachary so upset and has told him that she will take him shopping later for something else that he wants. So she let him pick out anything from Target – he selected Beyblades – and came back the happiest child on Earth. Not sure if he said a sincere thank you either.

Situation 2:
Two weeks later, Gramma came for Thanksgiving and brought Z a Phineas and Ferb shirt. Zachary once again pouted and said “I don’t like Phineas and Ferb” and handed it back to Gramma. My mom came downstairs and said “I should have called an asked what he was into these days. Last time it was Phineas and Ferb.” So now my mom feels bad that the gift she brought for no reason other than love of her grandson has been rejected. PS – he wore that shirt the next week went he went and had his picture taken with Santa.

Solution:
?????????? No clue. I have sat down and talked with Z about while not liking a gift is fine you still say THANK YOU for the thoughtfulness. There should be no pouting, whining, or whimpering when receiving a gift. I have reacted negatively in the moment when he does these things but I have also at a calmer time talked to him.

I do not want to have Zachary live a life of gifts he does not like. But absolutely do not want to have a child that does not understand thoughtfulness and generosity.

I get it – he is almost six – so of course as he matures hopefully he will understand better but at the same time he is almost SIX. Shouldn’t there be some sort of recognition of thanking for the thought? Or am I expecting too much?

We did have a chat before Christmas Chad’s grandmother – G-Nanny – spent the holidays with us and I knew she would be so very upset if the kids do not like her gifts. I walked through it all again:

* People do not have to give you gifts
* People spend time and thoughts about you
* Everyone should try and be grateful that there are loved ones in our lives that want to give us presents

During the present opening, he responded to each gift with “Oh my goodness!” which tickled MiMi and G-Nanny and thrilled me. He loved G-Nanny’s gifts so there was no issue there.

I thought I had made such progress and then he asks – “Why didn’t Uncle Larry give me a gift? We gave his kids gifts – they should have given me one.” Sigh.

I read on some parenting site – don’t constantly correct children – don’t tell them to say please and thank – simply model the behavior you want them to demonstrate and they will. When?? When do they demonstrate this behavior???

Then I remembered that I yell. Oops. Not a behavior I want to pass along.

Can we pick and choose which of our behaviors our children imitate? I didn’t think so.

Did I mention all I want are happy, healthy, self confident, and polite children?

Mom Gets Khaki

Zachary’s obsession with Star Wars continues and he has downloaded every possible G-rated Star Wars game to “his” iPhone (please note we did not buy our 5 year old son an iPhone – it is Chad’s old phone that Z plays games on). One of these games borrows a line from the New Hope movie – Han Solo tells Luke – “nice shot kid – now don’t get cocky.” For some reason, Z is convinced that Han Solo is saying khaki.

I have tried to correct him but now he says pants are cocky and Luke is khaki. ANYWAY – we were having the same discussion about cocky vs. khaki and Z says – “now what do you say cocky means?”

I try to tell my kindergartener that cocky is arrogant (because he knows that word??) or a know-it-all. Zachary then says that Amare (a kid in his class) is a know-it-all and that he is Ms. K’s jet.

I try to clarify with Zachary – “do you mean pet? Is he Ms. K’s pet?”

Looking at me like I am crazy, Zachary say “No Mom I said jet.”

Because I feel the need to push the issue, I respond “you mean pet with a p right? A teacher’s pet?”

Frustrated with me, Zachary gets up to leave and says “No mom jet with a j not a p but a j.” And he turns his back to me and starts walking out, slowly turns around, shakes his head and says “besides, Ms. K likes cats.”