Crossroads

So I am at one of those points that I am sure will either damage my son forever or teach him how to push past the fear and grow as a person.

Z took swim lessons all summer long - every Wednesday. He did very well - in fact the teacher recommended he move up a level midway through. He volunteered for everything - to go first, to jump in the pool, to be the demonstration - and he looked forward to swim lessons.

Then something happened. The second to last lesson his dream came true. The teacher said he could go down the slide after class. Well he came down quicker than she anticipated and she didn't catch him. After class he told me he would not be doing the slide again. Then after his final class, he told me that he didn't like swim lessons and didn't want to come back anymore. I told him that he started his new class the next week and he said that he wouldn't be going underwater. So I asked him to wait and see what the new teacher was like.

The next Wed was his first class of the advanced beginners with the new teacher. He seemed happy and excited. I went and took my post in the viewing deck and when it was his turn, he started to cry. Not a hollering bawling tantrum cry but a scared, weepy, trying to fight through it cry. For 30 minutes, I watched my son on his turns cling to his swim teacher with a death grip and cry while trying to swim. When it wasn't his turn, he would hop out of the pool and stand and cry. I think my heart broke in a way it has never broken before that day.

I met with the teacher afterwards and she said he can swim. He held on to her but he was doing everything else on his own. She said its nerves and he'll get over it. As I held him shivering in his towel, with his poor sad face, he looked at me and said "Mom, I cried." I told him that it was ok -- I had no clue what else to say in that moment.

Week 2: Z is changing for swim lessons, we are at the pool, and he says he doesn't want to go. I asked him why this time and he says that he doesn't want her, the teacher, to let go of him. I tell him that he needs to talk with his teacher, explain that he is scared, and why he is scared, and she will help. He stops getting ready and looks at me - with that sad face -- and says "Mom I really do not want to go. I am very scared." He again is not pitching a fit or throwing a tantrum. He is genuinely scared.

I am not proud but I resort to a bribe. Please don't roll your eyes at this but I was at a loss. I can't think that quickly. I tell him he can pick out a cookie after swim lessons. I remind him to talk with his teacher and tell her what he is feeling.

So fewer tears this lesson but much much clinging. You can't really swim holding on to someone.

At the end of the lesson, he tells his teacher and everyone -- I get a cookie! So now the world knows I have bribed my son. I am so embarrassed. But strangely proud that Z fought through the fear. But he fought for a cookie. What have I done?!

After he has changed and dried off, we go to pick out the cookie. Before he takes a bite, I tell him that he is getting this cookie because even though he was scared, he tried his best anyway. I made him repeat it to me and tell his dad later why he got the cookie. Because although he was scared, he tried and did his best.

That was last week. He told me yesterday he really does not like swim lessons and doesn't want to go anymore. He has some private swim time with his teacher tonight to help his comfort level before class tomorrow but he is so apprehensive.

So here is my crossroads. If after this private lesson he is still scared, do I make him go? Does it make him a better person to "fight through the fear" at the age of four? Does it keep him from being a quitter later in life and not giving up when there are challenges? Or does it perpetuate a fear of water? Does it take him two months back before all the progress ? Does he resent me for forcing something that can wait six months to readdress?

It is not like he asked to participate in swim lessons. If he had made the commitment and he didn't want to finish because he was bored then my answer is more clear -- he finishes. But this is not that situation. He shook in fear. He cried tears in fear.

I don't want to be "wussy" mom. I don't want to be "bribe my child" mom. My gut says stick it out - he'll work it out over the next few lessons and honestly that is probably what we will do. But this situation brought to light a bigger drama. How do you know when to push and how do you know when to let your child sit it out? How do you know when he will grow from the experience or when he will be scarred by it? It gives me a headache. It gives me a heartache...I can't make the wrong decision.

Oh well - here is hoping that the private lesson works and that Z will once again enjoy going to swim lessons. Otherwise, I may just keep a stash of Oreos in his swim bag.

Vacay Recap by Zachary Martin

I do the blog for convenience to keep track of things and yet I still don't keep up with the blog. Sad comment on my laziness. Thankfully the Espinozas helped with this one. They are geniuses I tell you.

During our vacation to NJ in July, Jess would ask Z what his favorite part of the day was and he always answered with the last thing we did. So Jess suggested when we get home, we break down the vacation into days and had him draw a picture of each day with his favorite thing. While we didn't actually get to the art work, Chad and I did ask him to tell us his favorite thing for each day was and it worked! Even last week, Z recalled his favorite thing from each "event" on our trip to New Jersey.

So before I forget -

The Beach -- Sand Castles
I have to add that the shells freaked him out. He thought they were pinching him when he walked through the sand and that they were still alive. He wanted to "save" them and had us clear out all the shells around our blanket and throw them back into the ocean.

The Boardwalk -- Rainforest Cafe
I think the boardwalk actually had lots of favorites -- the ice cream, the huge candy store, and the pedi-cab Chad and Z took when it was raining. However Z remembers, the alligator, moving animals, and stuff tiger he got at the cafe. Wait till he finds out there is one here in Dallas!

Storybook Land -- The Rollercoaster
My son rode that rollercoaster FIVE times. He actually was quite the adventurer at this park. Now keep in mind the rollercoaster was called "Bubbles the Coaster" to help you identify the level of scariness. Our godson Lucas who is two like the rollercoaster. But over all I was impressed with Z's willingness to try the "scary" rides.

Visiting the Hogans -- The Airplane Ride
So it wasn't exactly a ride but more of a playground equipment thing but Zachary did not want to get off of it. He "flew" all day. Need to ask where they got that thing.

Visiting Gramps -- Couldn't pick between the Pool and the Truck Race
I can understand Z enjoying the pool although the water was WAY cold and no one really did much swimming but Dad, Chad, and Z all took a brief dip in the pool. Then because it was too cold and too early for dinner we hung out in my dad's hotel room (ugh!) and Zachary watched some Truck Race on Speed Network. I don't know how he even found it interesting other than he likes monster trucks. But my son stared at the TV watching these trucks for at least an hour. Who says 4 year olds have a short attention span?

Visiting Uncle Andrew and Aunt Jessie -- The Basement and Thomas Table
Z was in HEAVEN in the Espinoza's basement. It is like FAO Schwartz and ToysRUs combined for him. Lucas has a train table and all of the sudden Z is back into Thomas. The basement has been beautifully redone and it is a great escape for the kids. All of Lucas' toys are downstairs and we could turn the boys loose and let them play. So I think Chad and I vote for the basement too!!

The vacation was really amazing -- being three blocks from the beach, the time with the Espinozas, and of course the basement.

Z Sets the Record Straight (ha!)

Zachary and I had quite an interesting conversation in the car today. It went something like this:

Z: Mom, someday Rylee (he pronounces it like Raleigh, NC) will grow up and get married.

MK: You are right she may get married. Do you think you will get married?

Z: Mom you are silly. Only girls get married.

MK: Really? If only girls get married who do they marry.

Z: They marry other girls mom.

MK: But I am married to Daddy.

Z: Mom we have already been over this - he is a boy he can't get married. (He then proceeds to name every girl he knows and says they can get married)

MK: But MiMi is married to PaPa.

Z: (Loud sigh) No mom - girls are supposed to marry girls. That is just how it is.

Prayers before Pizza

After our standard dinner blessing, Chad added in "Please take care of our family" and when we started to make the sign of the cross, Zachary said "No no - I have a prayer too."

"Transformers are good and trying to save the world. Dear God make me a Transformer to save the world. Make me Optimus Prime with guns instead of hands. Amen."

So either my son is not getting this praying thing at all or maybe he is getting it more than I realize.

Oh how she has grown...

More documentation since I am too lazy to actually write it in her baby book...

9 month appointment:
18.3 lbs
28" long

12 month appointment:
20.6 lbs - 50%
30.5" long - 90%

She started crawling April 30th -- Chad and I were on vacation so MiMi was the witness - it was her 9 month birthday
She got her two top center teeth May 24th
She got the two top next to center teeth May 30th
- yes they really did come in all around the same time -- four teeth! Overachiever!
Starting walking at school on June 12th and witness by us on June 13th
Two more teeth - bottom - one poked through and one right under the surface July 18th

It seems she only gets teeth on Saturdays! Ok maybe it is a sad comment on the fact that I don't notice these things until the weekend.

Healthy baby girl! We are beyond blessed...

Z Famous Quotes

While some of these make no sense (and they caused me to say "I am sorry what did you say?") they will certainly make you smile:


"God made waffles from Saturn."


"I am a Caucasian! I am a transformer!"

"Don't cut my toenails - they make me taller."

I saw Z near the bathroom and I yelled (which I seem to do often these days) "Zachary you need to wash your hands" to which he rightfully yelled back " I have to potty first!"

During the year we keep our Christmas tree in the attic and it is an ordeal to pull it down and put it up for storage. At the end of the holidays last year I told Z that it was time to take the Christmas tree down and corrected me "No mom it is time to put the Christmas tree up." He got me on a technicality.

NonAnimated shows are "People Shows"

Carbonated beverages are "Spicy"

Pointing to an RV "Look Mom an annidoe [sounds like antidote w/o the t] - they take lots of people everywhere well except the airport because they don't know how to get to the airport." EDITORS NOTE: Chad pointed out that he is trying to say Winnibago

After eating one of my mother's nasty no sugar, no white flour, lots of fiber muffins he was asked if he liked it to which he responded: "You get used to it."


As a firetruck goes by: "I hope they aren't going to my house. That would be bad." Followed by me saying "You are right that would be bad." To which he replies: "Don't worry Mom - I have a fireman hat and we have a hose. I'll take care of it."

God Bless Us...Every One

On the way home from Zachary's swim lessons last night, I stopped at QT for gas. I rolled down his window so that we could chat while I pumped. My phone rings and it is Chad telling me to get home now! Apparently the weather is really bad. I look around and sure it is cloudy but no rain and no bad wind. Granted there is an occasional clap of thunder but nothing that I imagine to be too dangerous. But I promise as soon as I am done filling up, we will head home.

So I turn to Z and starting asking about swim lessons and the Plano city tornado sirens go off and we must have been right next to one. Needless to say, my poor son is trying to remain calm but is freaking out on the inside. Hands over his ears saying over and over Mommy there is a siren! Mommy there is siren!

I get in the car and tell him not to worry that we will head home to be with Daddy and Rylee and the siren is only going off to tell us to get home because a storm is coming. He asks if the siren is from a police car (there was one in the QT parking lot) and I tell him that no it is a siren on top of a pole so that everyone can hear it.

He then says -- "Actually it is Chicken Lickin." Hmmmm.....WHAT?

"It is Chicken Lickin." He is very serious.

I still don't get it. I ask who/what is Chicken Lickin? He says the white chicken. So friends, the confusion you are feeling now - I was feeling then. DO WHAT???

He says the little white chicken with the movie. From some recess of my mind I pull out "Do you mean Chicken Little? The sky is falling Chicken Little?"

He said -- "OOOOHH YES! Chicken Little." So we have made some progress. Chicken Lickin is actually Chicken Little. Now to figure out what this has to do with a tornado siren.

Zachary explains that the noise we are hearing is the siren on top of Chicken Little's car. He is driving around blaring the siren to let people know the storm is coming.

I don't remember the movie but perhaps there is a scene with Chicken Little driving around warning people the sky is falling??? Doesn't really matter - point is the Chicken Lickin situation has been explained.

We get home and the weather has definitely gotten worse. My friend Kat calls and says there is a tornado in Hebron and wanted to make sure I knew. Hebron is getting close to Frisco so we hang up to head for a safe place and the power goes out. My son is on the edge again. He wants Chad and I to turn the lights on.

Ugh. No can do buddy. I hate that he is so worked up but trying so hard to stay calm. When did he grow up?

So Chad, Rylee, Z, and I are sitting in the laundry room with our battery operated lantern listening to the horrid wind shake our garage door. I am trying to distract the family and suggest we say a quick prayer to feel better.

We bow our heads and pray for God's protection for our family, Auntie C, Kendall, and Uncle Todd and for the protection of our friends, family, and loved ones and everyone impacted by the storm. We ask protection for our house too but more to keep us all safe. We say amen and then Zachary says -- God please keep Chicken Little safe too.

Chad has no clue and looks at me -- I give him the "later" look and we ride out the storm.

As I am tucking in Zachary for the night, we say our bedtime prayers. We say our "Now I lay me down" prayer and then I throw in something like: Thank you God for keeping us safe and protecting all of us and getting us through the storm. We are grateful for your blessings.

To which Zachary says "and thank you for Chicken Little and his siren. AMEN."

Thank you dear God indeed. AMEN.